(Here's another fun joke I really enjoyed.)
The Pastor's Ass
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again.
The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day, the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey.
The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The bishop fainted.
He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story is . . .being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery . . even shorten your life. So be yourself and enjoy life. Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier and live longer!
April 29, 2010
April 28, 2010
Health Tips from Doc.
(Here's something fun I read the other day that'll get you laughing! Tip to make reading more pleasurable: Give the doctor an accent.)
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that it--don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiency. What does cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So steak is nothing more than efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef also good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And pork chop can give you 100% of recommended daily allowance of vegetable product.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program? A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No pain---.good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food are fried these day in vegetable oil. In fact, they permeated by it. How could getting more vegetable be bad for you?!?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle? A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me? A: Are you crazy?!? HEL-RO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for your figure, explain whale to me..
Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
And remember:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"
AND--..
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION:
Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking American is apparently what kills you.
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that it--don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiency. What does cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So steak is nothing more than efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef also good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And pork chop can give you 100% of recommended daily allowance of vegetable product.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program? A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No pain---.good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food are fried these day in vegetable oil. In fact, they permeated by it. How could getting more vegetable be bad for you?!?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle? A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me? A: Are you crazy?!? HEL-RO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for your figure, explain whale to me..
Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
And remember:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"
AND--..
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION:
Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking American is apparently what kills you.
April 26, 2010
Nature Day
The other day I did some major weeding/gardening. (Just what I enjoy!) Our garden hasn't been tended to for months, or so it seemed. I weeded/gardened from 2:30~7:00pm. Now our garden looks so beautiful ... compared to how it was before. Joan, a girl in our home, came walking by and took a photo of me (how wonderful), so here it is. :) Caught in the middle of action!
April 21, 2010
Wooden Plant Holder
Man, I feel like I've entered the "blogging world" hahaha! I'm posting soo much (or so it seems)! This is quite fun. Let's see how long this lasts.
So, Josh got to work in his Workshop and in 10 minutes he came out with a little plant holder which you can see below. It's soo cute and hopefully this plant will stay alive for me for a long time and tumble out beautifully over the wooden holder. :)
So, Josh got to work in his Workshop and in 10 minutes he came out with a little plant holder which you can see below. It's soo cute and hopefully this plant will stay alive for me for a long time and tumble out beautifully over the wooden holder. :)
April 20, 2010
Josh's Birthday Outing!
Today I took Josh out to eat at a Tabehodai for his birthday. I borrowed a camera to take photos of the food and us so I could put on my new blog (heh heh...see, I'm thinking about you guys), but once we got there we were so excited about the variety of foods, only after we had eaten to the full had we remembered the camera! Ha! So, here are some photos we snapped before we had to leave the restaurant.
After leaving the restaurant we walked around. While I looked around in the stationery section, Josh looked at different wood craft/carpentry magazines to steal some good ideas! I then FINALLY bought this Green Necklace plant that I've been wanting for a long time, but never got around to buying at the 100 yen store as I could never find one that was healthy enough to buy. Ooooh... I'm so happy! Josh said he'll make a little wooden plant holder for me to put my new plant in!
This was a very wonderful and relaxing day! Happy Birthday Josh!
After leaving the restaurant we walked around. While I looked around in the stationery section, Josh looked at different wood craft/carpentry magazines to steal some good ideas! I then FINALLY bought this Green Necklace plant that I've been wanting for a long time, but never got around to buying at the 100 yen store as I could never find one that was healthy enough to buy. Ooooh... I'm so happy! Josh said he'll make a little wooden plant holder for me to put my new plant in!
This was a very wonderful and relaxing day! Happy Birthday Josh!
April 19, 2010
Blast from the Past!
Okay, now ... check this out! The four groupies -Mia, Lils, Meg, and me! I don't think I'll say much as the photos will most likely speak for themselves and bring back those good ol' memories. :)
New Year 2010
Backtracking a little.
On New Years Josh and I got up at 5:30am and drove down to the beach with a bunch of friends to watch KIBOU perform as well as to see the sunrise for the first time. The sunrise was gorgeous and breathtaking! The music was blaring and went straight to the heart, -right to the core! The weather was freezing cold and you could see a bit of snow on the ground. The only thing keeping me warm was my big down jacket, my hot cocoa, and the fire which I couldn't step away from. Ha!
The KIBOU members: Steve and Florence McNair-singers; 3 Japanese guys-rappers; Shun-lead guitar; Naoto (of Tabitha, 16)-piano; and Taka (17)-bass.
Afterwards several of us drove to the nearby family restaurant "Cocos" and had their morning special たべほだい! おいしかったです!
Here are some photos.
On New Years Josh and I got up at 5:30am and drove down to the beach with a bunch of friends to watch KIBOU perform as well as to see the sunrise for the first time. The sunrise was gorgeous and breathtaking! The music was blaring and went straight to the heart, -right to the core! The weather was freezing cold and you could see a bit of snow on the ground. The only thing keeping me warm was my big down jacket, my hot cocoa, and the fire which I couldn't step away from. Ha!
The KIBOU members: Steve and Florence McNair-singers; 3 Japanese guys-rappers; Shun-lead guitar; Naoto (of Tabitha, 16)-piano; and Taka (17)-bass.
Afterwards several of us drove to the nearby family restaurant "Cocos" and had their morning special たべほだい! おいしかったです!
Here are some photos.
Introduction
Okay, the first attempt at blogging was a failure!!! So, the plan is to start this new blog and get help from certain individuals living with me to figure out how things work around here. :) Proud of me?
I will do my best to post and put up photos so you can be up to date with what's going on in my life.
I'm also going through some oldie goldie family photos so I may post a few, just for fun!
With love and prayers,
Jan
I will do my best to post and put up photos so you can be up to date with what's going on in my life.
I'm also going through some oldie goldie family photos so I may post a few, just for fun!
With love and prayers,
Jan
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)